For the people around her
How to support a new mother
A mother's recovery depends a lot on the help she gets at home. Share this page with your partner, parents and in-laws.
For partners
- Take a night shift or early-morning shift so she gets one long sleep.
- Change nappies, burp and bathe the baby, and do skin-to-skin.
- Bring water and a snack every time she feeds.
- Go with her to her postnatal check.
- Ask "How are you, really?" and listen.
- Keep visitors to a limit and short visits.
For parents & in-laws
- Take over cooking, cleaning and laundry.
- Offer help without taking the baby away from her.
- Support breastfeeding without comparing or criticising.
- Encourage gentle walks along with rest.
- Share traditions with care, and check them against our fact-check.
- Let the parents make the final decisions for their baby.
For friends & visitors
- Message before you visit, and keep it short.
- Bring food, not just gifts for the baby.
- Wash your hands, and stay away if you're unwell.
- Ask about her, not only the baby.
- Offer a specific job: "Can I do the dishes?"
Words that help and words that hurt
| Instead of… | Try… |
|---|---|
| "You haven't lost the weight yet?" | "Your body did something amazing. Take your time." |
| "Your milk must not be enough." | "Shall we ask a lactation consultant to help?" |
| "All mothers feel like this. Don't worry." | "That sounds really hard. Let's talk to the doctor together." |
| "In our time we managed everything alone." | "What can I take off your plate today?" |
| "Why is the baby crying so much?" | "Let me hold the baby. You go rest." |
Watch out for these signs
Family members are often the first to notice when something is wrong. Help her get medical care if you see any warning signs, such as heavy bleeding, fever, a severe headache, or breathlessness. Also help her get care if:
- she seems withdrawn, hopeless or tearful for more than 2 weeks
- she isn't sleeping even when she has the chance
- she seems confused, or talks about things that aren't real
- she talks about harming herself or the baby. Get help immediately.
Partners need care too
Fathers and partners can also feel low or anxious after a baby arrives. Talk about it and ask for support.
Sources
- World Health Organization (2022). WHO recommendations on maternal and newborn care for a positive postnatal experience. Link
- American Academy of Pediatrics (2022). Updated safe sleep recommendations. Link
- Mughal S, Azhar Y, Siddiqui W. Perinatal Depression. StatPearls (NCBI Bookshelf). Link
See all references. This information is educational. Always consult your doctor for advice about your own health.